44 FRONTDOORS MEDIA | JULY 2018 A 2ND ACT { stories of perseverance } Judy Pearson | Contributing Writer FINDING THE WAY This is the story of parents experiencing the unthinkable, and then doing the unimaginable. When beautiful and talented Kaity Sudberry was 16, she began dating a polite, respectful and caring young man. About six months into the relationship, he became possessive, jealous and obsessed with knowing her every whereabout. Six months after that, Kaity realized this was an extremely toxic relationship and broke it off. Shortly after the breakup, Kaity’s former boyfriend assaulted her. With both the police and school officials involved, he was suspended from school. However on his return, he assaulted Kaity again, this time being expelled. But his erratic and threatening behavior persisted via phone calls, prompting Kaity to file an injunction against harassment. Five days later, on January 28, 2008, Kaity was walking home from school. The young man grabbed her from in front of her house, pulled her to the side yard of the house next door, and killed her with a shotgun. Then he turned the gun on himself. Three days later, a neighbor approached Kaity’s grieving mother, Bobbi Sudberry. The neighbor was an ASU professor of women’s studies who was putting together a conference on domestic violence. She asked if Bobbi would speak at the conference to be held three months later. Bobbi agreed. Researching for the conference, Bobbi discovered staggering domestic violence statistics. At her next grief counseling session, she told her counselor she was sick and tired of crying. “I just feel like I need to DO something,” Bobbi said. The counselor, together with the ASU professor, planted the seeds that would blossom into Kaity’s Way in 2009. The organization’s mission is to advocate for healthy teen relationships by providing education, skills and tools to youth and their allies. “Everyone is a solution to this problem,” Bobbi said. “It’s an epidemic, a societal disease. So the inoculation must come from society, too.” The organization uses the “P.E.A.C.E.” approach — Patience-Empathy-Acceptance- Caring-Equality — in all of its work. And that work includes workshops and speaking opportunities anywhere and everywhere. Their target population is young people ages 13 to 24, but for maximum success, Kaity’s Way must also reach parents, court and law enforcement personnel, middle and high school teachers, community college instructors and medical professionals. Becoming upstanders rather than bystanders

JULY 2018 | FRONTDOORS MEDIA 45 Bobbi Sudberry has also been the impetus behind a law dubbed “Kaity’s Law,” which widened the parameters of domestic violence and protection to include dating relationships. Such protection might have made a difference in Kaity’s case. As a small consolation, Bobbi says, “We teach people to be upstanders rather than bystanders,” a poignant way to view a vital social problem. Kaity’s Way has just created an evidence- based curriculum for schools and juveniles on probation, which has yielded some remarkable moments. When kids have made bad decisions, regardless of their nature, they’re given the choice of either pleading innocent and going through the court system, or accepting guilt and going through a Kaity’s Way workshop. Insomuch as the workshops mirror the P.E.A.C.E. mission, they fit any infraction. Parents are required to attend with their child. A father, whose job requires him to participate in a variety of educational events, went through the program with his daughter. He was so impressed he called Bobbi to tell her he was going to have his other three daughters go through a workshop as well. And then there was the young woman who approached Bobbi as she was preparing for a workshop. Kaity’s Way does presentations for the Arizona Department of Economic Security, which includes the foster care program. “I attended your presentation the first time when I was in foster care,” the young woman said. “Because of you, I realized I was in an abusive relationship, and got out of it. Every time I attend your workshops, I learn something new. This will be my fourth time.” What a testament to a program that grew out of a mother’s grief. What a 2nd Act. To learn more about Kaity’s Way, visit kaitysway.org . Bobbi Sudberry receiving a Phoenix Suns Amazing Women Award presented by the Suns and National Bank of Arizona. The founders of Kaity’s Way, Bobbi and Ric Sudberry, are shown here with their children. Kaity is to the right of her mother.